The Drudgery (and Lessons) of Waiting

I hate waiting. I also hate to admit it. Despite years of meditating and attempting to live in the moment, despite my best efforts to be countercultural in the face of a “hurry” society, I have become a product of our instant gratification culture. Right now, it feels like I am about to die from waiting. I’m waiting for the seeds in my back yard and on my window sill to sprout into the gorgeous array of colors, textures and fragrances I have planned for my first-ever flower garden.

Forces outside my control seem to be plotting against me. I have replanted the seeds three times now, both inside and out. The neighborhood cat scratched up the bachelor button starts while leaving a gift I neither needed nor appreciated. Birds plucked up the Chianti sunflower seedlings. Rambunctious boys playing a game involving soccer balls and scooters decimated my calla lilies. I forgot to water the inside seeds. Several times. Okay, I admit that was within my control. In any case, I am waiting with gritted teeth for my beautiful vision to come to fruition.

Not surprisingly, this is the perfect metaphor for my healing practice. I am also waiting for the seeds of my Healing Touch business to shoot up and bloom. They say it takes two years for a new business to gain its footing and become financially viable.  I haven’t reached that landmark yet and the waiting is getting to me.

I tell myself this is an opportunity to practice patience and persistence, to breathe into the frustration and grow spiritually. My inner teenager rolls her eyes and groans. My inner sage knows it’s true. We can’t sit on our meditation cushions visualizing our perfect practice and expect it to manifest all by itself. While we wait, we also need to be proactive. Not a crazy, frenetic kind of proactive that loses all sense of grounding. But a centered, open proactive that listens to the stirrings of synchronicity and inner whisperings, and follows their lead.

I received an unexpected invitation to join a networking group. A doctor friend is exploring renting out her space in the evenings to integrative care practitioners and I’m first in line. A friend of the sister of my old roommate emailed out of the blue to learn more about my practice. While these aren’t paying clients pounding down my door, these connections are steps in the right direction.

When I stop pouting and accept what is being offered with gratitude, things change. I have noticed there is a connection between gratefully opening to what the universe brings and the frequency of those gifts—the more I’m open, the more gifts arrive. Then buoyed by gratitude, I take further action and the cycle continues. Some would say I’m raising my vibration and experiencing the Law of Attraction. That’s fine. I would also call it a good way to build a business—as long as I can just wait long enough to see it come to fruition. Just like the flowers in my garden.